Healthy self-esteem is one of the key foundational skills business leaders need to be successful. When you have healthy self-esteem you do not base your value as a human being on external factors.
People with conditional self-esteem need certain things to feel valuable. It can be your job, achievements, status, power, connections, physical appearance, relationships, children, sex, food, etc.
Here are 10 tell-tale signs that your self-esteem needs work:
1. ‘I don’t take feedback well.’
You take negative comments personally because you can’t separate who you are from what you do. Your response to feedback is often to become defensive, angry or resentful. Other times you quietly dismiss anything that doesn’t paint you in the best light. Feedback feels like a punch in the gut.
2. ‘I can’t admit to making a mistake or say sorry.’
You believe that admitting to mistakes is a sign of weakness and you don’t believe in weakness. You believe you have to be strong all the time.
3. ‘I have to be perfect.’
You have often received recognition for perfect work and that’s how you believe you add value to the world. Anything less than perfect is not good enough.
4. ‘I am overly competitive.’
Second prize means the first loser. You have to be better than anyone around you. Winning is what you believe determines your value. How else would you know how well you are doing?
5. ‘I compare myself with others.’
You are always looking at other people to see how you measure up. You don’t like it when others are better at something than you are. You don’t compare apples with apples but rather compare your weaknesses to others strengths.
6. ‘I tend to react aggressively, even violently, to perceived disrespect.’
Everyone must respect you. You believe accepting disrespect means you are weak.
7. ‘I don’t like situations where I am not in control.’
You won’t risk learning a new skill if it means you might look foolish. You find it hard to admit you don’t know something or asking for help, so you rather choose to stick with what you’re already good at.
8. ‘I blame others when things go wrong.’
You believe accepting responsibility for a mistake means you have failed. (This ties in with number 3: ‘I have to be perfect.’)
9. ‘I don’t like personal risks.’
You are scared to be vulnerable. You fear showing people the real you because you don’t always like your real self, so why would they?
10. ‘I am my own worst critic.’
Your internal self-talk is very harsh. You believe putting yourself down is the best way to motivate yourself.
If two or more of these statements apply to you it means you have compromised self-esteem. It’s easy to get tricked into believing you need to earn your value instead of allowing yourself to feel valuable with no conditions attached.
Next week we will look at the best ways to build healthy self-esteem.
To find out more about the benefits of coaching and what’s right for you visit our website: www.coachingunity.com
For all the tools needed to achieve healthy self-esteem order Tim Goodenough’s Game Changer Protocol here.